Your dominant saboteur and the lies/truth behind it
You are here probably because you were in my Positive Intelligence (aka. Mental Fitness) workshop, and want to dive deeper. I consider this as “shadow work”(shadows are part of ourselves that’s unloved and unaccepted as a child)
When you are touching your edges with compassion, you are creating the right condition for deep healing and magic. Don’t give up! If you feel some heavy, dense emotions as you walk on this part of your inner journey, you might be just right before the breakthrough. Have fun and bring self-compassion as you continue this inner journey.
Your #1 saboteur
You might have guessed what your dominant saboteur could be in my workshop, but not 100% sure, and want to find out.
I get it, the path to self-discovery is a never-ending fun adventure! I thought my #1 saboteur was “hyper achiever”, I mean…look at all those certifications and credentials that I earned!
When I took the assessment, I learned that my #1 saboteur was actually “restless”. A-ha! It makes total sense.
I remember when I was in some of my training, my mind was already on a new training that I could take. When I traveled to a country, that I always wanted to go to, my mind was already planning for the next trip to another country that I wanted to go to. I was not present!
Restless has a motto, “Live life without regret”. The truth is that restless likely will regret one day if they keep allowing it to sabotage themselves by not being present to enjoy each moment.
You can take the Saboteur assessment here to find out what your #1 saboteur is.
Additionally, you can take the PQ Score assessment to find what your PQ score is
Once you receive your assessment report, take an inner journey by reflecting and journaling:
- How has this saboteur shown up in your professional and personal life?
- How much do you resonate with the information in the assessment report?
- If you were able to quiet your saboteur, what would your professional and personal life be like?
Lies and truth behind your #1 saboteur
The reason why those saboteurs were able to sabotage us for years and decades is because we believe in them.
Once we learn about the lies behind them, we cultivate a clear understanding and wise view, that can help us get into wise speech and action.
Below you can read more about the lies and truth behind each saboteur, and please take some quiet time to reflect and find your own inner wisdom.
- Hyper Achiever: “You can achieve more because of me.”
For people who have hyper achiever as their #1 saboteur, the achievement is the condition for them to have self-love and self-acceptance.
Their identity is tie to their achievement. When detour or bleaches happen, which will always happen, they freak out and they make people around them freak out. They set up their life in a way that their identity is constantly being challenged.
The hyper-achiever gets them to achieve less, not more. They won’t get much loyalty and inspiration from people because they are always trying to achieve. Happiness and peace are fleeting. People who have hyper achievers as a dominant saboteur are good at covering up insecurity and self-promoting. Because they always wanted to be efficient and effective, keep people at a safe distance
- Sticker: “I can bring more peace and joy to your life by making perfect quality and order”
In reality, stickers bring more anxiety instead of joy and peace. They run themselves too thin, they constantly tell people what they do is not good enough, which brings more anxiety to them and the people around them. They are losing a bigger war.
- Pleaser: “I can help you have better relationships, have people trust you and like you more”
By constantly saying pleasant things to people, people don’t trust them fully. Their people don’t know where they stand with them, because their people know they cannot just always have pleasant things to say.
Also, pleasers always give, and never share their needs. At some point, resentment might appear because pleasers will be exhausted and say, “Why am I always giving, I’ve never received!” In reality, they never share their needs with anyone.
- Hyper Vigilant: “In order for you to protect, you have to be anxious always.”
Being constantly anxious does not protect them as when they are laser-focused and calm.
- Avoider: “I’m going to make life more pleasant, positive and enjoyable”.
When things are not pleasant, they procrastinate. When there is conflict, they avoid dealing with it. They constantly feel anxious. Whatever they are avoiding will cause them in the long run. They might feel good in the short term, but in the long term, it gives them the opposite of it.
- Victim: “I’m here to soothe yourself and help get attention, connection and love from people”.
They are after bread crumbs (self-pity) instead of bread (self-love and self-acceptance). Victim gives them the opposite in the long term. They complain and try to get people’s attention. After a while, people get tired. They get less love, connection, and attention from people.
- Hyper Rational: “I can help you make better decisions because best decisions are made through processing info via mind”
Human beings are not rational machine. We human beings are emotional and messy. Most important things in life are emotions. Passion is emotion, being a great parent is emotion, inspiration and loyalty is emotion, trust is emotion.
A lot of things in life cannot be explained by logic. When resolving conflict, hyper-rational can be destructive. Hyper-rational might be perceived as cold-hearted, intellectually arrogant, insensitive, and not caring.
They are like robots, they jump into problem-solving quickly. Unless people feel their emotions and feelings are heard, they won’t listen to what you are going to say, nor the solution to their problems.
Hyper-rationals can be incredibly sensitive and loving people, it’s just that they convince themselves that they shouldn’t pay attention to emotions. They really suffer from that personally and it damages their relationships.
If you need more support, I offer 1:1 coaching. Apply for a free discovery call to connect to see if we are a good fit.
I’m Sha! I've created this space for inner reflection, emotional healing, personal growth and inspiration. Enjoy a cup of tea and some transformational and practical wellbeing & personal growth tips here.