Free From Negative Emotions Caused by Your Judgments
Do you ever criticize yourself for dragging yourself into a black hole of negative emotions caused by your own judgments? Me too! In fact, I spent a whole month at Esalen, the Center for Human Potential to heal and transform one of my patterns, self-criticism, into compassion and creative energy. Well… if I could be honest, my judgments were not just towards myself, I judge others as well, especially those who are close to me (ie. my partner, and parents…)
If we think about it, judgment is simply a form of thought. As human beings, we cannot completely shut down our judgment. However, if we turn on our conscious awareness and mindfulness to catch ourselves as we judge, we will start to see the pattern, the truth, and the wisdom in the way we judge. Then in those moments, we heal, grow, and blossom.
Definition of judgment (as a saboteur)
When I went through the Positive Intelligence (Mental Fitness) Coach certification training years ago, I learned that the definition of judgment as a self-saboteur (self-sabotaging tendency) is:
“Finds faults with self, others, and circumstances, that cause disappointment, anger, regret, guilt, shame and anxiety. It activates the accomplice Saboteur.https://www.positiveintelligence.com/
There are three types of judgements:
Self: Badgers self for past mistakes or current shortcomings. (Inner voice: What is wrong with me?)
Others: Focuses on what is wrong with others rather than appreciation. Gets into inferior/superior comparisons. (Inner voice: What is wrong with others?)
Circumstances: Insists a circumstance or outcome is “bad” rather than see it as a gift and opportunity. (Inner voice: What is wrong with the situation or circumstances)
Impact of judges as “the mother” of all the other 9 saboteurs
“Judge” is the original cause of our anxiety, distress, and suffering. It is also the cause of relationship conflicts. You can take the free assessment here to learn about your self-saboteurs.
Lies of judges
The reason why we keep judging is that we were brought in the lies of the judges (You might also be interested in taking the inner journey further by learning more about “Your dominant saboteur and the lies/truth behind it” here), due to our own shadows (the part of ourselves that was unloved or unaccepted since we were a child when we started to develop our ego) and conditions (expectations from the society, our parents and work environment)
- Without me pushing you, you will get lazy and complacent.
- Without me punishing you for mistakes, you will not learn from them and repeat them.
- Without me scaring you about bad future outcomes, you will not work hard to prevent them.
- Without me judging others, you will lose your objectivity and not protect your self-interest.
- Without me making you feel bad about the bad outcome, you won’t do anything to change it.
The moment when we start to turn inward and questions how True our judgments were and how they sabotage ourselves and our relationships, we are entering a new journey.
If you are ready for this new journey, here is some guidance:
In the next 3+ weeks, every time you are triggered, take 5~10 deep, slow, long breaths. Record your feelings in your judgment journal entry, the types of judgment and judgment details below in real-time
You can use the emotion wheel to identify your emotions and increase your vocabulary of emotions.
Once in a while, say a week or a month, you want to go back to your judgment journal and review your patterns (be honest and objective!) If you want to take the journey further, check out Release Your Inner Blocks as judgments can often manifest into our inner blocks, stopping us from reaching our highest potential.
Have fun and enjoy the inner journey! This journey can be dark at times, as we are tapping into our shadows, but it’s very rewarding and transformative if you trust the process with consistency, self-compassion, and acceptance.
If you need additional support, check out my conscious 1:1 coaching and apply for a discovery call if interested in co-creating the next phase of your inner growth journey together.
I also offer corporate workshops and group coaching based on the Positive Intelligence concept. Learn more and book a discovery call here to discuss how I can support your team.
I’m Sha! I've created this space for inner reflection, emotional healing, personal growth and inspiration. Enjoy a cup of tea and some transformational and practical wellbeing & personal growth tips here.